Anyone tired of being rejected…by loved ones, by peers, at work or life in general? I am going out on a limb and assuming I am not the only person in the world who has experienced rejection in every one of these areas…more than once. We all have foundational issues that plague us throughout life. Our ability to recognize them and not let them define who we are is the secret to living a joy-filled life.
Have you really ever thought about why we place so much of our personal worth and validation on the acceptance of others?
I believe it’s because as humans we were designed to love and be loved. That’s the good news. The bad news is that people are innately selfish so they naturally place their needs in front of others, which results in them hurting others. This all sounds logical, but it doesn’t replace the heartbreak and deep sadness you feel when you have had an accumulation of rejection over your life…so much so that you start to question your worth and start believing that something must be wrong with you. How do I know? Because at 40 years-old, I am having these thoughts and wondering why has my life been a series of hyper-success and then hyper-rejection.
I don’t know your story, but I am going to share my story with you in hopes it helps you through your rejection challenges. Why the heck not? I’ve got nothing to lose by posting my most personal pains and weaknesses on the Internet for everyone I know and even strangers to see!
When I look back at my life, I see mountaintops of success in my career and relationships overshadowed by the hurt caused by “rejection valley”.
No matter the situation, I always felt like I was an outsider. If you look at me you would think I looked the part, that I fit into the group, but that was just a façade—a fabricated effort to “fit-in”. Despite my best efforts, I was always on the peripheral trying to prove my worth in a work situation, in a social group or in a personal relationship. As a result, I became a people pleaser with a very low self-worth. I get exhausted just writing about it so you can imagine how exhausting it was keeping this up for 35+ years. What a toll this charade took on my body, mind and spirit. Recently, I have experienced so much rejection in all areas of my life that I finally decided to face this lifelong rejection pain head-on. I think the straw that broke the camel’s back was when I got a Facebook account and saw everyone else living the life that I was working so hard to have but couldn’t seem to obtain. Can you relate? As part of my healing process, I started to ask myself questions like what if I am not supposed to be part of the group? Some people call it being a contrarian. What if my life path is to be me and empower others to be exactly who they were created to be? After all, do we really need a bunch of cookie cutter people, or is it better to have people with unique gifts and talents working together to contribute to others and society? This helped restore peace to my mind and gave me permission to be different. However, my heart still ached and my spirit still longed to be loved and appreciated.
My eyes were opened to two scenarios where I was loved unconditionally: by my husband and by God.
When I met my husband 9 years ago, I had never met someone who loved others so much that his heart was going to burst! Thankfully, I was placed in the center of that love. It has taken me a long time to fully receive and appreciate his love, but the more I say goodbye to rejection, the more I can appreciate his love for me. I believe God put him in my life as a taste of God’s overwhelming, broken-heart healing love. Around the time I met my husband I started a relationship with Jesus—not religion. There’s a big difference! Jesus took me in as one of his own; no matter what I had done and what He knows I will do. Despite the human rejection I have experienced, He has empowered me to be all He created me to be. I still make mistakes and every time He responds “I love you more”! I am so grateful I have Jesus to run to. I believe because He loves me so much, He gave me a husband who loves me the way Jesus loves me so I can experience Jesus’ love thru a human. The good news is that Jesus loves everyone who has a relationship with him the same. He doesn’t play favorites so my story of being overwhelmed by Jesus’ love can be your story too. All you have to do is ask Him for it. It’s that simple.
Oh and one last thing. You will experience rejection all your life because that is just how it is. Your ability to let that rejection slide off you like Teflon is based on knowing you are loved and were created for greatness, no matter what happens in your life.
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